The Military Lady

The military lady isn't actually in the military, her husband is, but you would think she is because that's all she ever talks about. Granted, I don't even sit near her during our actual lab, but I know basically her entire life story thanks to the 10 minutes I spend waiting in the hallway for our instructor to let us into the lab (aka torture chamber). So before we get into the torture chamber, I sit there across from the f*ck lady and the military lady and try to sit and concentrate on my lab workbook, but can't help overhearing some of their conversations.

ML: "This is my husband's FIFTH tour of duty being a bomb tech, and I just want him to come home to me and our four kids. I never know how he's going to act when I talk to him on the phone; sometimes he's in a good mood, and sometimes he's just going to explode. My 13-year-old mouthed off to me the other day, and I made her sit in the corner in front of all her friends. That embarrassed her so bad. She's gonna learn to respect me in my house. My husband, all he'd have to do is growl at her and she'd listen."

FL: "When is this f*cking class going to start?"

ML: "I had to get up at two in the morning today so I could catch my freaking plane so I could go to this class, and if she's not here I'm going to be pissed. Do you know how early I have to get up? Do you know how much driving I have to do? I don't want to be here any more than you do. This is my last freaking semester here and I NEVER HAVE TO BE IN THIS STATE AGAIN. Except my mother-in-law lives here. I guess I have to visit her because I feel guilty."

When the instructor finally opens the door to the torture chamber, I couldn't be happier to be rid of this other middle-aged, clearly doesn't belong here, deeply unhappy woman. The military lady is the ultimate oversharer. She's constantly giving unsolicited advice to the teen mom (I'll talk about her in my next blog post) and sharing intimate information about her personal life with whoever happens to be within earshot. Trust me, military lady, I can't wait until you never have to be in this state again. I can only hope your mother-in-law lives far away enough that we never have to be within earshot, either.

P.S. I feel really, really bad for your kids. I hope you enjoy the day when the only reason they visit you when you're old is because they "feel guilty."